If you've ever stood behind a wiggly kid with a brush in one hand and a detangler in the other, you know that most "tangle battles" aren't about the spray. They're about the order you do things, the kind of knot you're dealing with, and whether you're accidentally pulling from the scalp.
I have three girls with three totally different hair types, and what surprised me most was this - the hair that looks "easy" isn't always the hair that tangles the least. I found that fine and wavy hair gave us the toughest mornings.
But I'm here to tell you all the hair secrets I have learned over the years, including:
- How to tell what kind of tangle you're dealing with
- The pain-free brushing technique that matters more than the product
- What I use for light tangles vs tough knots (budget and splurge options)
- A simple DIY detangler spray for everyday use
Jump to:
- The 30-Second Tangle Check So You Don't Make It Worse
- The Pain-Free Detangling Technique That Matters More Than the Spray
- What Actually Helps With Tangles - And What I Use for Each Level
- The Brush Matters More Than You Think
- Hair Type Cheat Sheet
- Easy DIY Hair Detangler Spray
- Optional Tools I Use When We Need a Faster Morning
- The one habit that prevents morning tangles
- FAQs
Make Hair Brushing Easier!
Want a simple, printable guide to help with tangles, knots, morning routines, and bedtime hair care? Grab my No-Tears Hair Detangling Guide Printable Set from my shop for easy step-by-step tips you can use again and again.
Get It in My ShopThe 30-Second Tangle Check So You Don't Make It Worse
Before you spray anything, do this quick check. It helps you choose the right approach and prevents hair breakage.
Light tangles
These are the everyday snags where the brush catches but releases quickly.
Knots
You'll feel one or two tight spots that don't want to budge.
Mats (rare, but possible)
Hair feels fused together (often at the nape). If it's matted, slow down, as force doesn't make the process any faster, it just makes it painful.
If you're dealing with a true mat, work in tiny sections with your fingers first and take breaks. The goal is separation, not yanking.
The Pain-Free Detangling Technique That Matters More Than the Spray
This is the brushing method that stopped the complaints in our house.
- Start with fingers, not a brush - Use your fingertips to gently separate the area around the tangle first.
- Hold the hair close to the scalp - Grab a section and hold it firmly near the roots so the tugging doesn't pull on their head. This one change will make a big difference.
- Work from the bottom-up - Begin brushing the last inch or two of the hair and gradually move upward. If you start at the top, you push the tangles into a tighter knot.
- If the brush gets stuck, stop and redo - Add a tiny bit more slip (detangler or conditioner mix), use fingers again, then continue.
What Actually Helps With Tangles - And What I Use for Each Level
I bought way too many things over the years trying to solve our tangle problem. Some worked, some didn't, and a few just collected dust. Now I think about it in levels of tangles:
For everyday tangles:
A basic kids detangler or a light DIY spray (recipe below) is usually enough, especially for hair that only tangles a little overnight.
For stubborn knots:
Some hair tangles "re-form" even after you brush, especially in hair that is fine and wavy. That's when a stronger detangler makes a real difference.
A quick note if your detangler looks "weird":
Some concentrated detanglers spray out thick or gloppy. That's normal. Rub it between your fingers and smooth it into the section you're detangling. When it's working, you'll feel the brush start to glide instead of snag.
The Brush Matters More Than You Think
The kinds of brushes that tend to work best:
- Flexible bristles that bend instead of ripping through knots
- A cushioned brush that reduces pulling
- A wide-tooth comb for curly hair (great when hair is damp)
Hair Type Cheat Sheet
Thick and straight
Usually light tangles. A basic detangler (store-bought or DIY) and a gentle brush are enough. Focus on nightly brushing to prevent morning knots.
Thick and curly
Curly hair can look intimidating, but it responds really well when you detangle with patience and a dentangler. Use fingers first, then a wide-tooth comb or flexible brush. If you're fighting it daily, use the same approach I use for fine + wavy hair.
Fine and wavy
This is the "it tangles again instantly" hair type in my experience. Use a stronger detangler for stubborn spots and be strict about bottom-up brushing. Just be careful not to overload on product since too much can weigh hair down and make it feel dirty faster.
Easy DIY Hair Detangler Spray
If your child doesn't get severe knots, you can make a simple detangler spray that works well for day-to-day tangles.
- Use it on damp hair (after bath or after misting with water)
- Shake before each use
- Apply in sections where the brush usually catches (ends, nape, behind ears)
Tip from trial and error: if hair starts to feel heavy or coated, use less conditioner in your mix next time or rinse the hair well before styling.
What you need:
- 1 cup water
- 1-2 tablespoons conditioner
How to make it:
- Pour water into a spray bottle
- Add conditioner
- Shake well before each use
How to use:
Lightly spray onto tangled hair before brushing. Start from the ends and work your way up for best results.
Optional Tools I Use When We Need a Faster Morning
Here's what I reach for depending on the kind of tangle day we're having:
For everyday tangles (quick and budget-friendly)
- A basic kids detangler spray for light morning snarls
- A gentle, flexible brush that bends instead of ripping through snags
For stubborn knots (when the brush keeps stalling)
- A stronger detangler for the spots that won't release (especially at the nape and behind the ears)
- A wide-tooth comb if you're working through thicker sections slowly
For long hair or tangle-prone sleepers
- Soft hair ties or scrunchies (less breakage than tight elastics)
- A simple bedtime braid routine to reduce morning friction
If you're adding any tool to your routine, I'd start with the brush first. The right brush fixes more "tangle problems" than most sprays.
The one habit that prevents morning tangles
Brush their hair at night before bed. It doesn't prevent all tangles (kids sleep like tornadoes), but it prevents the kind that take 10 minutes and cause tears.
If you only change one thing, change that.
Here are some before and after photos using my hair detangling technique:
FAQs
Many kids do best with damp hair and some slip. If soaking-wet brushing causes snapping or breakage, towel-dry first and detangle gently in sections.
What if detangler makes hair feel weighed down?
Use less product, keep it on the ends, and save heavier detanglers for tough knots only. If your DIY mix feels heavy, reduce the conditioner next time.
Friction + dryness + fine strands. Jackets, car seats, and bedtime create friction. Night brushing plus a loose braid or ponytail can reduce tangles a lot.
Chrissy @ The Outlaw Mom Blog says
Great tips 🙂 I wish my daughter had these issues...she just turned four and still has barely any hair - not even enough for a bob!
Grace says
Another tip: Have the kids sleep on a satin or silk pillow case. My eldest daughter has fine curly and my baby girl has fine wavy hair. I have them both on a satin pillow case (baby sleeps on it without a pillow) and it has made a big difference in the number of tangles.
Tammy @ housing a forest says
I love it! We are always fighting tangles in our house too. Thanks for the tip, now if we could just keep track of the brush:)
Vicky @ Mess For Less says
Tammy, can't help you there! 🙂
Creatively Content says
This is such a helpful post!!! Thank you.
Vicky @ Mess For Less says
So glad you liked it! Thanks for dropping in!
Anonymous says
Ooops, I almost forgot! Another reason I LOVE that brush is because the flexible bristles don't break the hair like a stiff comb. I see a lot of wavey haired women with comb damage! (Combs create micro-breaks where as flexible bristles may stretch wet hair a bit, but the moisture will help the cuticle heal)
And amen for telling women not to rub their hair dry! Blotting is just as effective, doesn't tangle the hair AND doesn't cause damage that leads to FRIZZ!!!!
Thanks for your post!!! (Your girls have beautiful hair, thanks for being such
Vicky @ Mess For Less says
Thanks so much for your sweet comments. Just gave my daughter's a bath and blotted rather than rubbed their hair dry.
Anonymous says
That Goody's Ouchless Brush is awesome!!! I have thick curly hair that almost reaches my waist. I teach 11 Zumba classes a week and my hair gets crazy tangled during my classes. (I fling my hair a lot!)
Your brushing technique is the same that my Mom taught me 40 years ago.
Anonymous says
I'm a grown-up with *fine and wavy* hair, and I can totally relate to your fine-and-wavy daughter's tangle troubles. 🙂 Let her know that it will get easier as she gets older and gets used to how her hair works and the best ways to tackle it!
I've tried everything, and here's the method that works best for me:
1. Right before a shower, use a brush to detangle. (Note: A shower is always better than a bath for tangly hair, because the water flows down over the natural curve of the hair, instead of swishing it all around like a bath or under the bath faucet.)
2. Shampoo and condition as usual - rinse.
3. Squeeze hair gently with a towel to remove excess water, but DON'T towel-dry too much, and don't rub the head with the towel. Rubbing = more tangles!
4. Spray on your detangler of choice. 🙂
5. Comb through with a medium-tooth comb (not a brush), starting at the ends and moving up towards the scalp.
6. After hair is combed through, you can towel-dry more thoroughly and comb again.
7. For dry hair, brush as usual and use a little detangler if needed.
Vicky @ Mess For Less says
These are great tips. I towel dry a lot and didn't realize I was making things worse. Makes sense. Thanks for the great comment!
Cecilia says
The only different thing I do from you is the size of the comb. My hair is thick, wavy and long. It would be curly if it was shorter. I use the large Conair detangle comb...has a hook on end to hang it. Even dry, I find it best to still use the comb so I don't tear or rip my hair out due to tangles. I also tend to braid my hair at night. I started learning how to manage my hair at around age 5 or 6 from my aunt who has the fine, wavy and long hair to her butt. Thirty years later and she still does.
kristine says
this is great! thank you!! my daughter saw the infomercial for the mercier hairbrush or something and whenever i brush her hair she screams, "did you order the brush from tv yet????" i think i'm going to start with the goody ouchless!!! 🙂
Vicky @ Mess For Less says
It's a great brush. We even bought the hair bean detangler brush (forgot to include that above) and it didn't work on my kids. Goody brush rules!
Amy Wadlington says
I LOVE Original Sprout Miracle Detangler! My stylist said to mix it with one part detangler and 3 parts water in a separate spray bottle. Now a bottle of Original Sprout will last about 9-12 months with two daughters with very long hair.
Vicky @ Mess For Less says
Great tip Amy! Love the idea of making it last even longer and really makes the price seem not so steep.
Cranberry Morning says
What an interesting post! I remember brushing my daughter's long, curly hair, always starting from the very bottom, brushing that out, then moving up a couple inches. Often I would braid it before she went to bed to avoid tangles in the morning. 🙂 Your daughters have beautiful hair.
Vicky @ Mess For Less says
I try to braid it during the day but they won't sleep with braids. Too bad, it makes pretty waves too.
Marisa Irish says
Thats the best way to do it because it starts undoing the knots and causes less pain